Midnight - Feb. 5, 2004
What is it about 15 years??
Well the weather they promised is here well it appears to be here, not sure how bad it will get but they are saying nasty. Funny thing is it was right on cue, hubby boy called just before they sent the guys out to plow, at 8 this evening. They said it would start at 8 and so it did, spooky huh?? They sent the guys out to begin applying anti-skid to the roads before the snow turned to rain and then ice. They are calling for 3 inches and then freezing rain on top of that. The kids are hoping they don�t have school, I know that all the back roads are nothing but snow packed and rained on making ice and this will certainly add insult to injury. I guess it will be an early morning listening to the radio to see if they have school. Paul had a hard time going to sleep with the anticipation an all. I am hoping they get to stay home but I think we have used the allotted snow days up. Next they will be stealing them from vacations. Not many left though.
I have been having this internal fight again this winter. Last winter it was much much worse but still it is here, like a shadow. This time it centers on my Mom. Last year it was not getting invited to see any of the new babies. *** Just an aside, still haven�t seen the trips and they will be a year old the 28 of this month, oh and I lie when I say I don�t care it still hurts that she doesn�t want me to see them. I am doing my damnedest to not care and not let it hurt, and on going thing. *** The whole thing with Mom is that I tried to tell Dad that it wasn�t the stupid compression fractures he wouldn�t listen. Now I want her to get a second opinion or find out why she has to wear this brace but she won�t question the doc and told me that she doesn�t �need� me to go with her to her appointment that she and dad can take care of it. I feel like I have been used a bit, like when she needs or wants something she lets me speak up but now she won�t. I am frustrated with her care, but she doesn�t want me to do or say anything but yet she wants me to feel bad for her when she has to wear that brace and wants me to go �ohhh poor momma,� I am having a hard time with that. If she is fine to go the hospital every day and what not then she is fine. If she is just fine then she can come get her hair done here or stand in the shower and have dad wash it. I don�t know, is this that winter depression thing again, where I get upset and hurt by every little thing??? Or what it wrong with me? Sigh I guess I just have a lot of stress thanks to not having much income, bills, having to run after the kids is costing about what I make these days, this whole thing with Mom scared me **old people and infection is never a good combination** and I worry about them driving back and forth, but I guess I should just let go of things I can�t change like the prayer says. I feel guilty when I don�t call her because I feel so grouchy towards her when we talk and she whines about the brace and such that I think it is just better to not say anything at all. Right?? So I don�t call her but I miss her. Maybe tomorrow I will give her a quick hello to let her know I am thinking of her and what not. With the weather being bad I won�t feel so guilty about not going to see her. OHH well� will deal with that when the time comes.
Alright enough of that whininess! I did do 6 cuts today with only one Christmas freebee in there so not quite a horrible day. I now have 20 bucks more than I had yesterday. I did get to visit with my one neighbor; she and I are in the same boat almost. She is going through that 15 yr slump. Well I did and luckily things got much better thank goodness. I hope they get better for her too. I wonder what it is that happens that year. Well mine had begun to build at about 13 yrs and then came to the breaking point at 15 years. I can�t believe that I will be married 17 years this year. Man where did the time go. I have been living here on this little plot of land for 18 years this June. HUMM wonder how things go so bad then got so good again?? I think it is partly due to changing my frame of mind. Amazing how your frame of mind influences your outlook and perceptions of things.
Hubby boy is due here in about 40 min and I think I am going to wrap this up and maybe head off to bed and read till he gets home.
