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9:41 a.m. - Sat., Dec. 9, 2006
Whine whine Whine!!
This is a spewing entry so if you don�t want to listen to me whine don�t go any farther!!!


It�s a pretty morning here in NW PA and I wish I felt happier about it!! Hubby boy is off hunting and he can stay there for all I care and darling son is still sleeping he has to work today at noon. I have to work here this morning in about 40 min. I have a perm and 3 cuts in the shop today and possibly a color. I hope so I need to the money, not so much for Christmas but for getting my bills paid off so that I can start giving him money for household bills. I have been in a funk since yesterday morning. I was trying really hard not to bother him but it was too late. I had told a girl she could come get her books and she wanted to come in the morning, I never gave it a thought about HB working till midnight and then wanting to sleep in, although he doesn�t really sleep in he gets up with Paul and then snoozes in the chair sometimes, sometimes not. So that started the whole thing. I was just going to call her and have her come to the basement door and get the books but he said no no its ok. So he decides to go plow before he goes to read the paper at his mom�s. He comes back and I Kay told me to print and give her college bill to him. Now we knew we would be paying in the ball park of 5, 000 for her schooling this year. We paid something like 3,000 the first semester and her new bill is for $2010.00, which if you add the two together it comes up $5,000. Anyhow I�m sensitive about being a burden and how I like to hold up my end of the deal. I don�t know if he meant to be mean or if it just is a resentment he harbors for me, but he was tired and he says� If you and Kayla don�t start contributing I can�t be paying these bills there isn�t any money left and I can�t do it all. This was way worse than being slapped across the face I don�t think it could have hurt me more. He of course doesn�t care. So he goes off to work and I go off to the beauty shop. He has also been bringing up the fact that he is retiring in 10 years and I need to find full time employment in order to get my health insurance, till I am 65. This brings me to the harsh reality that I can�t seem to hold a job for more than a few years outside the home. I can�t take it I get all stressed out and just can�t do it. I get too tired, I just can�t do it. I am thinking it is all in my little tiny pea sized brain but don�t know how to fix it.. I feel broken all the time. Like there is something wrong with me that I can�t identify and what not. So I asked my brother in law how much I would have to save to have the money when he retires to be able to pay for health ins. He told me about $350 a month. That is about what I am paying on bills and such right now from the beauty shop. God I hope this scrapbooking business takes off and I can just save up the money so I don�t have to get a full time job. I don�t know maybe I�m just spoiled. All I know is he didn�t kiss me goodbye this morning before he left and I�m so hurt well I�m not sure I really want to see him. Maybe I am not contributing and holding up my end of the bargain. I don�t know. I�m sorta hoping getting this out in the open will ease my anxiety, which is so high right now� OYY!!!

Sorry this wasn�t a better entry, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Always Remember and Never Forget�its hard to take back hurtful things we say.

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