11:47 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 24, 2006
Family relationships sure are COMPLICATED!!
Family relationships sure are complicated. Things here have been a bit on the tense side since a week ago last Tue. when they called and told use to bring mom in for another ERCP procedure to clean out the common bile duct again. Apparently in the 4 yr. since her last one she has built up more stones and �sludge.� Back in 2002 we almost lost her because she either had a reaction to the dye they were using, she went septic when they pierced the liver to put the drain in or something but she ended up in the hospital for a month and 2 weeks of that in the MICU and 8 days on a ventilator, so it was a horrible horrible time for us. So when they told us that same bile duct was gunking up again we were very apprehensive about the whole deal, but they did some fixing while there were in there the last time so it made this time very easy for the docs. So last Friday went to Pittsburgh and had that procedure done and she was fine, came through it very well and was feeling for 4 days on the 5th day *day before yesterday* she wasn�t feeling well and she was very weak and tired and nauseous and when they got to the ER in Greenville *their local hospital* she was running a fever of 101 so things were sorta scary. Dad took the discharge instructions with him and they called me to get the information of who the doc was and whatnot that did the procedure because they wanted to check with them. Because of the fever the docs in Pittsburgh wanted her brought down by ambulance. We really didn�t know much that evening and my dad stayed down there with her so in the morning I called him and asked what was going on. He told me they had done a cat scan and some more blood work which revealed her sodium levels were dangerously low and that was causing the weakness. So I decided that I really wanted to go down and see her and see what they were going to do and whatnot.
Nice story right? Well here is where things get extremely complicated because anytime there is something like this my siblings are all up in arms about who knows what and when and who and the whole 9 yards. So of course I got up and called Dad at the hospital and asked what was going on to which he said they were waiting for test results. By this time my stupid sisters *Joyce and Sue* were wondering what was going and waiting for Dad to call with news. Which by the way he never called them� LOL anyway� while I was talking to my sister Joyce she said she was going to go down and I said I wanted to too and she also said that Sue wanted to go down. Now Sue maintains that all these years her mother in law has guilted her into go to her house for holidays and such but since she could get football on her TV she stopped coming out to Mom and Dad�s on Sundays. She maintains that Mom hates her kids and that she loves Joyce�s kids more and she can�t stand how mom and dad fight and how mom gets on her case about anything. So if Mom is such a horrible person why the hell does she give a damn about her when she gets sick???! I just don�t get that. She was all teary and afraid, I was a bit nervous but nothing like 4 yr. ago. She wanted to go down right away yesterday morning and me being the softy I am said she could come with me, since she wouldn�t have a clue how to get into Pitts and she doesn�t drive in traffic. What a woos! I had plans with my family to go to the movies so I wanted to go early and Joyce said she would go down in the evening so that Mom and Dad weren�t alone on Thanksgiving.
A little back ground on my relationship with my sister Sue� I used to think the world of her and the rest of my older brother and sisters. *used to being the operative word* All I ever wanted from them was my turn to be liked and treated as an equal and such but that never happened. They all really despised me especially because they were pissed that Mom had yet another baby, and that put a kink in her already crappy life and I never really knew this till a couple years ago, even though as she got older you would have thought that she would have let that go and tried to have a sister relationship, but she chose not to. I worked for her and go no appreciation for working hard and making sure everything was done just right and what not.. she never said thanks for the help or nothing like that, never appreciated me one bit; which sorta left a bit of a rift, she probably thought she was a wonderful person for letting me work for her for $6 an hour. Next when my niece was pregnant with her triplets I made the mistake of trying to talk to her and comfort her and help her, but apparently I said all the wrong things and it up set her and so Sue yelled at me and told me to more or less to leave her alone and they didn�t want me anywhere near them. So I said ok. I have this whole thing where I like want to help and garner relationships with my family which is totally stupid how many times does it take for me to get the hint they don�t want a relationship with me. So I have sort of just ignored them all, and was to busy for much of the family crap.
So now I mom is sick again and in the hospital and Sue is all upset that she is old and going to die. I took pity on her and let her ride down with me to Pitts. which I can honestly say I will never do that again. It was an enlightening trip back. The way down wasn�t too bad but the way back she cleared up a few things that I have been agonizing about the short and long of the story is, she hates it when anyone fights, and she hates mom and dad when they fight, she thinks mom doesn�t love her kids and that mom called her daughter Kris a ho, I can�t see my mom doing that I can see her angry and yelling at her for something she did when mom and dad asked them not to do, but not quite the story she told her mom, and next she says basically she can�t stand our mother. So now why is she all boo hooy when she doesn�t even like the lady?? I�m sorry she gets no sympathy from me when the time comes to say good bye to my mom. She also not only told me how our mother mistreated her all her life but she told me that she didn�t see me as a sister because of our age difference and so then I said, so I don�t have to have all the sister ties then? She said no.
So I came home very depressed not so much sad as she didn�t really say anything that I didn�t already know and she really didn�t come out and say she didn�t like me but she really sorta made it clear that she is not the warm and fuzzy friendly sort of person so basically I took it that she did really know me or have me as a sister and she didn�t need anymore friend�s because her husband was her best friend and her life was full of her kids and didn�t need any more family. She said that it was the natural progression that when your parents die you let go of that life meaning siblings and such and focus on your own children and grandchildren, this was all in reply to my saying that after mom and dad goes I doubted that we would ever get together.
I guess I�m really not one of 7 I�m only one of 5 since my oldest sister told the sister I�m close to that she didn�t like me so I have more or less crossed her off the list of siblings since she has really nothing to do with me. I don�t know her and now I don�t really want to know her so who cares and apparently Sue doesn�t care to have me as a sister either so basically I�m down to 2 brothers and 2 sisters.
My Thanksgiving/birthday was a day I won�t really ever forget� my mom was alright she had some pancreatitus or infection in her pancreas to which they gave her IV antibiotics and they brought her sodium levels up to an acceptable range but she could use more. That stupid family physician is a jack*** and when we asked him what she could add to her diet to keep it up he said there wasn�t anything we could do. How ignorant, he told us that old people have trouble absorbing sodium because things don�t work as well as they used too, and that this just happens. What was he going to let her die from it� it is fatal ya know. So down there they told her to drink Gatorade because it replenishes some of that sodium she needs. We are hoping this helps a lot. She was released today and Joyce and Greg went down and go them. She had made a comment well you know there are 7 of us.
See why holidays are very stressful for me?? I�m not joking when I say family ties that bind and gag! Next is Christmas and I am wondering if I want to go to my sister Joyce�s house, Don says he can tell that she doesn�t like me and I have been getting the distinct feeling ever since last Christmas that I have done something or she just doesn�t like me. I don�t know� I really don�t know�I love my nieces and nephews and well I want to spend Christmas Eve with my mom and dad and that is at Joyce�s. The kids love to go there for Christmas and I don�t want to ruin their Christmas so I don�t know what to do. Part of me wants to call her up and say,, why do you hate me? And the other part of me wants to just keep a low profile and slap a smile on my face and enjoy those there that I think like me. Crap I don�t know what to do,,, I miss buying for little ones and thought I would get a little something for the little girls out there but I don�t want Joyce to think I am trying to buy love. I�m probably just so messed up and stupid that this is all in my head and I�m just being stupid. I don�t know. I just don�t know what to do. It would be fantastic if our holidays were just spent with the youngest 3 of us. OHH gosh� I wish I could find peace.
Yesterday did a couple positives though, Mom was found to just have a bit of something that was semi easily fixed and came home today and after I got home my daughter my sweet sweet daughter helped me cheer up and we went and watched our traditional Christmas movie, The Santa Clause 3, The Escape Clause, which was a good movie I thought even though the reviews weren�t good for it. My sister Jill did have a birthday cake for me however they ate it since I went down to see Mom and Dad instead of going to dinner at her house. Sometimes I feel like such a black sheep, out of place and doesn�t belong.
Today we went and got our Christmas tree and we got it up and decorated or should I say Kay got most of it up and decorated and Paul helped a little and have been so very tired I took two naps today. I think this cold has knocked me for a loop and this is my couple of �tired� days as I call them, so I have been incredibly unenergetic! It was a good day though. I love having Kay home and she is such a wonderful kid I really love the way Paul acts when she is home. He seems happier, I think that he misses her more than he knows.
I don�t want to take her back to school on Sunday. I�m hoping the 19 days she will be gone will go very very fast!!!
I guess that is enough emotional barf for one entry if you have made it this far.
Always Remember and Never Forget�shake the heck out of a real Christmas tree BEFORE putting it in your house!!!
