10:03 p.m. - Monday, April 25, 2005
What to do?? What to do??
Have you ever thought to yourself, �I really thought this is what I wanted, and now I can�t remember why.� This is what I have been saying to myself this afternoon. I guess Friday was a nasty day at the office with the people calling for the program I work for and they couldn�t handle it. So this prompted a meeting with the Boss Lady who told me that they can�t handle my day off when they are there. OK, so now I don�t quite get it, they want me to work full time which isn�t what I signed on for, however last week when I said I didn�t want to do any more of her client stuff since I messed up so badly and caused that trouble, she wrote a memo stating that I would be working full time and cutting my pay by a buck an hour, since she had no way of recouping her losses of my wages. OK the funny thing is now I haven�t changed anything, not a single thing but now I have enough of the program stuff to do without having any time to work on office stuff??? Our local place that was doing this sorta work has funding problems and has begun to shut down. So they are sending everyone who is going there to us, and trust me they are sending the pain in the butt people over first. I don�t know if I like this well enough to want to do full time, I�m not sure I�m committed enough to give up my beauty shop, I can�t work full time and work in the shop. The whole idea was to have my Saturday�s free to spend with my family and speaking of family I can�t go cold turkey away from them. I am thinking they probably wouldn�t allow me to do the coaching thing this fall and winter, which they had agreed to when I started. How are they going to deal with stuff while I take a 2 week vacation and go to my conference in July??? If they can�t take me not working Friday�s how can they take those times?? To be honest I fret too much over stuff and I don�t think this is something I want to do full time! Don says he doesn�t care what I do but I�m not sure exactly how I feel about telling BL that I don�t want to do this full time thing. She knows that I am not happy about it. I just don�t know what to do. I wish I could figure it out! If you all pray, pray that I am guided in the right direction.
I am usually pretty good at sharing everything with my hubby boy, however I have held back a bit of information till I know for sure if it is going to happen. Remember the girl I was assistant coach too?? Tiff,,, well she is an awesome person, and I think we could work together well. She told me today after I said I am not happy about the whole full time thing that she is thinking of buying a local bridal shop. It was rather funny when she said �ohhh really?? Not working out thing huh?? Well how about a different job??� It was too cute because she was trying to be appropriately contrite and not sound happy about me looking for a new job. I think I might like,,, ohh wait didn�t I say this not long ago and how did that work out?? I could do alterations and help out in the store. I could custom make veils and such. I wonder what she could pay me?? I think I would want her to purchase a sewing machine so I could do all the alterations there. I wonder, just wonder. She also told me that she didn�t think I would make it working there from the start. She said I was too much of a people person and doing that didn�t seem like me.
I am also thinking that if that didn�t work, Life Touch where I got Kay�s photos taken back in Feb. offered me a job. I just don�t know. What does God want me to do?? How can I find something I love?? Is there something wrong with me?? Why can�t I seem to hang in a job longer than a temp?? I haven�t had a real job, I have had a career in cutting hair, but the shop has been slow and I wanted more money soooo�. I took this job thinking I could do it. I just don�t know if all this anxiety and heartburn will be with me every job I take?? I did like doing alterations for the other bridal shop I worked for, the only draw back was that I always waited to do the dresses till I was stressed out and under the gun. If I do them in the shop though during store hours I think it would be better. Am I just too lazy to work at a job?? What is wrong with me?? OYYY!!!
I think I will try the whole full time thing for a week and think about it! However this Friday I promised my daughter to get her out of school a little early and take her shopping down in Sharon for her prom dress, and I have to see if I can reschedule the hair appointments I have to Saturday morning. I really like doing hair for what it is worth even those annoying people that I can�t stand, I don�t know what to do� I have it when I agonize over stuff. I finally remembered this last weekend to get my garlic and St. J�s Wart and am hoping that it will help with the anxiety. It seems the only thing I am good at is being a Mom, and I�m only mediocre at being a wife but he still loves me I think! Do you think that God is telling me that I need to be a parent, do what I am good at?? OYY�. I wish I were more decisive.
Alright enough about that!! I am really happy that I got all the girls books finished and Kay will deliver the rest of them tomorrow. All have to do now is mine and finish Tiffany�s. I want to make hers really nice.
Well I have whiled away the evening worrying about what I am to do, so I will head off out to bed now.
Always remember and never forget�Be careful what you wish for!
