3:22 p.m. - Wed. June 2, 2004
Positivity is the key!!
Ive been take stock in my life lately and it is still the same as it was before the Colorado trip. Even though I am not totally getting everything I need from my relationship do I have the right to decide since I�m not happy I can cause all kinds of pain for everyone involved?? I have a good life here. I have my family, siblings I like, my parents, children, my mother in law who I love and a husband who is good to me even though he falls short in some things. Now to take an honest look at me� I am not the model wife and home-keeper, heck I hate to clean and my house usually looks really bad, so bad in fact that hubby boy gets embarrassed if friends stop by without warning. I don�t know what has been happening over the past few years but it seems to me that my �quick to snap� has went from a few days a month to pretty much about 3 weeks a month. Who wants to be sweet to a person like that? I think I �brow beat� for lack of other words my husband and I don�t like myself when I do it. I have a hard time accepting him for what he is. I made a sacred promise to him and I plan on keeping it. I have had some conflicting ideas in my mind lately but putting this all out makes me feel more committed to just being a better person and with that I am looking to a brighter more positive day.
I awoke in a bit of a funk and I kept sinking which of course brought this while opening paragraph on. I am so luck though to have a friend who called this morning with more insight and positivity *I don�t think that is a word but you get my drift** than I have ever seen in anyone. After our conversation, I was ready to look at some things in my life in a totally different light. I am always so energized after we talk that I fee like I can �as my mother puts it� jump over mountains. **humm wonder if she has a giant complex..giggle**
The weather has thunder storms and sunshine for today. I am hoping it gets out of its system by the weekend since I will be camping for 3 days!! OHH my gosh it just hit me�. NOT COMPUTER for 3 WHOLE DAYS!!!!! OHHH WHATEVER WILL I DO????? Haha,, I am hoping that we will have nice weather, it doesn�t appear to be too warm but it does say that there aren�t any major fronts coming through. I like an idiot offered to help a friend with her daughter�s grad party. STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!! I am thinking I will probably regret doing that since I will have to come home on Sunday and not Monday!! OHH well.. sigh,, I am hoping to enjoy the weekend non the less.
The kids are out at 1 pm Friday and I need to pick them up for school. Whaa whoo! We will be having friends go camping with us which sounds like fun to me. Kayla�s friend Zack,, Paul�s friends Regina, and Alex. I am so looking forward to this weekend. I do have a lot of work to do before then so I should get busy. I am working on this gown I have taken in to alter. That was stupid too,, giggle.. OHH well back the grind stone.
