12:20 p.m. - Sunday, May 30, 2004
Whining to follow up long winded...
Well it is Memorieal Day Weekend, and of course I have a family gathering to attend. I usually don�t go because I don�t want to hang out with people I need to be fake for. I don�t think they care one way or another if I am there to be honest. They don�t seek me out to say hello or anything. However my mother kinda �asked� me to come, so I will go. I know that she wants to think her children are close and love one another, and I don�t feel like destroying her dreams. So I will go, and I will be happy, and I will fish! Enough about this,, I am sure I am just making more out of it than it really is.
I feel drained and broken this morning. I have this horrible need to be catered to, I want attention darnit and I WANT IT NOW!!! Does everybody feel this way???? I want someone,,, who is more needy than me to need me�haha,, now that sounds interesting. I hate that I am self-centered sometimes. Lately hubby boy hasn�t been attentive at all and sometimes seems to grumble about crap, I�m not sure if he is doing this or being his normal self and I�m just more sensitive. Whatever�**I hate that word** So I like an idiot I had a few drinks when I shouldn�t have because I was feeling somewhat sorry for myself last evening and then the few drinks,,, were fun but then they got the best of me and my escape reared it ugly head in the form or anger and hurt. I know that makes no sense but this is that kinda entry. Sorry,,,
The good thing about this morning is that I got to sleep for like, 5 � hours. Since I didn�t go to bed till 5:30 this morning that was pretty good� I saw the sun come up. It was so beautiful I would have loved to have been in Erie or someplace with water to see it come up over water, or even someplace like out west where it is flat or with mountains. I bet it would have been spectacular alas I live on the side of a dang hill so I had to watch it come up through trees.
I am sure some will be amazed when I tell them I don�t have a hang over� well I don�t,,, I can get pretty toasted but as long as I drink 2 qts of water after I quit drinking and eat a bit of something take 2 aspirin and take some vitamin B I am good to go. I�m not even shaky this morning. Just tired but well that is cause I didn�t go to bed. I did find some nice people to chat with on line though and even after my friends were long off to their beds I had someone to talk to. Very nice people. Old and ugly but nice,, hehe.. Heh the one even called me,, he is weird but very nice� so I talked to him for a short time. Then went off to bed.
I am beginning to feel better because I just am, I guess sometimes I need to let it all out so I can move on� Thanks to Twisted Mind and Moodymomma I feel soooooo much better guys thanks for being there for me,, and thanks for letting me dump on you.
Well I have $4 in tomatoes plants that will die if I don�t get them in their planters. I wan to do that before we leave. I will be back tonight if anyone has msn or icq� *S* hint hint� hehe
It is a pretty day out here, and God gave it to me to make the best of it, I will do that for Him! Man I glad I went to church last night,, hehehe,,church with only 3 hr sleep yikes!
