12:16 a.m. - Monday, May 10, 2004
More mother's day
This was a wonderful mother�s day, we had a lot of fun, well at least I did. We went to Erie and I got some scrapbooking stuff and then we got my Mom her hanging basket for Mother�s Day then we took it to her and visited for a while, I got all the paperwork filled out for the doc on Tue. After all that, we came home and watched Survivor, barf barf is all I have to say.
I sat down here to catch up on some diaries when Kayla came out crying and talking and moving very fast,,, I caught her in the laundry room, not sure if she was headed outside or not but she was crying and saying itchy itchy and had been scratching at the scratches on her face, she had blood under her nails and on her finger not much because she had used a tissue to wipe at it I think. I don�t think she did any more damage.
She is having nightmares about cutting herself since that is what is going around school. As I held her weeping she kept saying I didn't mean to I didn't mean too. This just breaks my heart...I told her that it is just her fears taking a walk in her dreams it doesn't mean it will come true. My poor baby,,,my sweet little girl....School is so hard on her, damn nosey gossip mongering drama queens. We are going to talk to a teacher tomorrow just so she has someone at school she feels safe with. I so wish someone else would have something happen to take the damn rumors and whispers away from my baby. Not that I would want to see anyone have a hard time but dang it,,, leave my daughter alone. I want her to be alright, I don�t want her to think badly about herself, this is just something we have to work out is all. I keep telling her that but I�m afraid she is so afraid of this that she can�t see it isn�t who she is, just something she does and can move past it and learn to deal with emotions better. I keep telling her I love her no matter what and I am here for her to lean on, and together we will be just fine.
I think I am going to call a friend, I just need someone to talk to.
