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10:37 p.m. - Monday, April 26, 2004
Monday night Musings!
Monday night musings�

Why do when I do something do I think later that it is stupid?? Doesn�t matter what it is for example some diary entries I will write them, post them and then think to myself �ahh does that make me sound stupid??�

Why can�t I seem to �stay on task� as my word processing teacher used to say. I just seem to get so side tracked, tonight for example, I sat down to read what was new in my group and read one or two new things then have this killer idea for my entry. I haven�t gotten back to my group stuff yet.

Why do I always want to change myself? Why can�t I see my good points and then recognize my bad ones for what they are things I either need to work on or decide I am ok with them.

Why do I get wrapped up in stuff and then get in over my head, and back out at a bad time??? Well I did seem to not follow this one today concerning the cheerleading boosters, I had been toying with the idea getting involved and running for office of the club but you know what I have since then decided that I am not going to do that and most likely not be involved with this club. The reasons being I don�t think I would have the time or patients. I do believe I would be fairly good at it though. I also don�t want to find myself in a position I have to deal with some of the people in that club. The one seems to think she is president, secretary, and treasurer when she is only treasurer. I�m not sure if she does this just because our other officers are not real �take charge sort of people� or what, but I really don�t care for her. There are some policy things that bother me too, for example our purpose is to raise money for the girls to go to camp. Let�s see we have a couple fundraisers where the money goes into individual accounts and that is the money they get not any that is in the general fund. I guess I just don�t get it. The question was asked, of her of course not the president, if a girl raises more money than she needs for camp can she use some of the funds to buy shoes, goochies, body suits, warm ups and stuff required for the uniform that the school doesn�t supply. This can run about $200 for new girls with shoes and such. The answer to this question was NO; they are only allowed to use this money for camp. I don�t know the reason for this but I would think we *the club* could kick in if the girls raised the money. Since I don�t like to think badly about people and be around people that I can�t seem to be my best around I have decided that the club hasn�t done anything in the 2 years for my daughter so I am going to just not be part of it. I am still going to help coach Jr. Basketball cheerleaders. I won�t be able to go if I have to work but I will give it my best shot. I am proud of myself for making a good decision.

Anyhow, back to my musings.

Why do I seem to get more done when I am under pressure than when I have the whole day off?? If I have to get stuff done I seem to do better when I do it between clients.

I guess those are about all I have to wonder about. Now for the stuff that makes being a parent challenging, I would be speaking of teenage boy hormones.

My son is 14, he is in the eighth grade and a great kid. Lately I am feeling a bit disconnected to him. I know he is growing up and maturing but I wasn�t prepared for the moving past mom part. He was upset yesterday and when I tried to get it out of him why he just got angry and told me there was nothing I could do and to let him be. Luckily his father came in after a while and talked to him and he did open up to him a bit. I wish I could fix everything. I know he isn�t into anything to big like drugs or anything like that, well I don�t think he is, I know all his friends and he is home all the time so I think it is just he is having a few growing pains. He told hubby boy that the other kids make fun of him. This makes me sad, and I wish I could fix it. Sigh� I love him so much but it seems he does things to irritate me then I say stuff. It seems like a vicious circle. I hope our relationship can weather this storm called mom. I am going to try harder tomorrow to find good thing not bad things. He is so much like me. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

Today was a good day I did mange to get some stuff done, well I lost count of how many loads of laundry I did; somewhere around 5 I think. I have been working on cleaning up my room and putting away winter clothes, since spring has put in an appearance. It needs it soo bad. I need to get my spending under control in order to be able to buy myself a new bed. That is all I want is a new bed that doesn�t take up my whole room. Hubby boy sleeps on the couch cause I snore really bad, so it is only me in that giant king size water bed with a honking big head board. I was thinking I might like a smaller bed maybe a queen with a regular head and footboard. I would have more room to mess up. OHH no here we go again with that whole, if I have more room stuff, I can just put off cleaning it up longer. **remember the whole 128 mg memory card for my camera dilemma?**

I made a good dinner of hamburg gravy and mashed potatoes and corn. Not too bad for ooops I forgot to get something out for dinner, dinner. Tomorrow is a stake in the crock pot night, so I will have to get that on in the morning so it can get nice and tender before dinner. Don�t have anyone on the book for tomorrow so I will probably continue on the bedroom laundry. Whhaaa whoo..NOT!

Mom and I were supposed to go out today but she called this morning and told me she was hurting too bad at 9 am to do anything. This made me sad. I worry about her. This precipitated a call to the doctor this morning. His nurse called me back and we talked about the appointment in pitts which they hadn�t heard anything about and the referral to the pain guy in Erie. I hope they can help her there, but like with everything else we get high hopes just to have them dashed against the rocks of despair. I told her about how she was hurting and she said she would talk to the doc about it. I hope she doesn�t get angry for me calling them, she has this whole don�t disturb them idea. I thought it was odd that her doc hadn�t heard anything back from the doc down there. HUMMM�.ohh well they know we went and what they told us.

I�ll get out to see her soon. Dang I hate this high priced gas. I�m not sure I will be able to afford to run the kids this fall if it doesn�t come down!

I guess this is another non inspired daily entry the only thing missing is the weather report, the last few days have been a day of sun and then a day of rain and now another day of sun. The temps haven�t been as nice as it was last week but hey they are higher then a month ago so I am happy about that! They are calling for 2 to 4 in of snow tonight??? It is still something like 40 F outside here but who knows with this time of the year what can happen.

I think I am going to add a bit of a regular feature here. I want to keep track of how I do with my two nemeses, my weight and my spending. Today was an alright day for both, I only spent what I had in cash for things I got at the store tonight, *yogurt, and coffee creamer* although we did try to buy sundaes at McDonalds but lucky for us their ice cream machine was down so we came home. In the eating arena I didn�t do too bad, had my cereal for breakfast, then for lunch tuna and 4 saltines, supper was alright I didn�t �over� do it. Snackwise I did eat 4 marshmallow bunnies that were left from Easter and a few jelly beans. I even drank my 2 liters of water today, which made me very happy. I am hoping I can make tomorrow day 2 of doing better. Maybe I can throw a walk in there if the weather is nice.

On that note I think I might just read up what is happening in my group and then go to bed and read since nobody is on line to chat with.

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