11:55 a.m. - Wed. Nov. 19, 2003
Yes I would like some cheese with this whine, or maybe a beer!
Have you ever had one of those days that you just think everyone is crabby, and then you think hey why is everyone and everything getting on my nerves?? Well that is what this evening feels like. I have issues with stuff that happened years ago with people who are no longer in my life, which is a good thing, but still these things pop into my head, and I let them make me nuts!!
OYY the hubby boy is being rather cranky; he got all 2 yr oldish about the internet starting up right. It took me 2 min to get it up and running, but then he said well �I buy a 2,000 dollar computer and can�t even get on line without it not working right. Why bother.� What a baby. When he does stuff like that I want to slap him silly. I hate it when men go all 2 yr oldish on me!
Humm I think there are other issues intruding on my sweet disposition and I really need to get them taken care of. I need to see a doc, and I don�t want to go back to the one I have now. He is an idiot and I doubt he would understand what I am going through. I have a friend who knows a good doc that is female and taking patients. I think I will get off my procrastinating backside and get her name and then see when I can change doctors with the insurance company. So I can go and get done what needs to be done and see why I have this lump in my wrist, even though I have been told by both my sisters that it is just a ganglion cyst, and is genetic they have them. The difference between theirs and mine is theirs comes and goes and mine just stays the same as near as I can tell. I also believe that it is pinching nerves affecting the rest of my arm and shoulder. I just don�t think I can take time off if I have to have surgery or something with my bills these days. Sigh so I guess I should get paid off what I can so Hubby boy doesn�t have to make any payments for me. He would resent it I know it. I pay my bills he pays most of the household bills. I really need to not let this bother me, and just go and find out what is going on huh? No use borrowing trouble. I also have to get some other medical stuff that is minor taken care of, but I keep putting that off too.
I just wish I knew I had hubby boy�s love and support, even though he might say it I don�t feel that he feels it. Ya know? Kinda like he says he said he loved me once why does he have to keep repeating it?. I know that he isn�t big on affection and I can take that most of the time but sometimes it just gets to me so bad; all that female insecurity needy stuff that goes on. I keep telling myself he is a good guy, he is a good guy, and he loves me, but I find it hard to believe that he has any other feelings for me out of the �family� context. Like a lukewarm connection sorta thing. I know all this but somehow sometimes it just isn�t enough I want someone to who will show me they still love me and desire me, and just plain care for me more than just lukewarm. Humm not sure if getting this written down is helping. I guess I will just move on like always. Well now that I go that off my chest�. I guess I can try and get back to my sunny disposition.
On a much lighter note, I got another page almost done today. It is of Christmas 1995 and done in a holly theme. I have it almost completed it lacks something not sure what it is but something. I thought if I quit looking at it I might have get a bright idea. I even did the dishes, vacuumed, made a roast for dinner then got the kids. OHH and did 2 cuts today. Every little bit counts. **I think that is also bothering me, the lack of work, I need to make some money. I do have a color to do tomorrow which is great.**
Tomorrow is Thursday and I don�t have anyone on the book till evening. I guess I will get my floor washed and maybe another page in the scrapbook done too. I am beginning to like daytime TV. I had forgotten what was on.
I guess I should quit this whining cause there are way more people with real problems out there. I have a happy family, a cushy job, a cute dog, what more could I ask for? Someone please slap some sense into me!!!! He I could get a shirt made like that for me, kind of like the ones that say �Help I�ve begun talking and can�t shut up!� I am still amazed that someone hasn�t bought me one of those. Although,, I would probably whine about it if they did. I now understand why men can�t figure women out! One min we are fine and dandy and then the next Pow we are ready to cry and can�t take a joke. OYYY!! I am really thinking I need to buy something to sip on once in a while. A drink or two always seems to make me relax and let go of some of these stupid feeling and anxieties.
You know I used wonder why people took Prozac� Now I know. I think I might just start decorating for Xmas tomorrow. **OK I hear you all groaning�. I love Christmas and like to have the stuff up.** I doubt I will get much done other than the cleaning part and getting some of the stuff out. That is a big job in itself. I am also predicting that I will get real busy soon and then I won�t have the time so I will do it when I have the time.
Goodness I guess I will just give up on getting any humor in this entry and close and hope for a better one tomorrow.
